Green Jello
by Write-To-You
Summary: So. Many. Fix-its. SO MANY. All for that 1, heartbreaking ending scene of 3x18 (yes, there will be MAJOR spoilers- don't read if you haven't seen). Please put in requests, though I have some ideas for a few. (rated T just in case- thought I don't know if any actually will be)
1. The Much Needed Fix-It

**Author's Note: Anyone else crying last night? That episode pretty much broke me. And now I'm on my computer and- wait, it hates me, too! The screenshot of Julian and Caitlin's kiss that was my screensaver just yesterday has now disappeared. I can't handle this...**

 **So I write.**

They had lost Cisco already. His face was red, tears streaming down his cheeks, hands pulling so hard on his hair that Julian thought it might rip.

He couldn't leave her side. He couldn't even _breathe_ , but Caitlin actually wasn't. She was _so cold_. It hurt him. This was all hurting him, tearing him up from the inside out.

"She's gone." HR whispered, tugging lightly on his shoulder. Cisco let out a sob.

 _No. No no no no no._ Julian pressed the oxygen mast to her face, working on his own now. _Press 1, 2, 3. Oxygen. Press 1, 2, 3. Please, Caitlin, please-_

The heart monitor beeped. Caitlin inhaled sharply. Cisco collapsed in a chair. Julian felt his knees give out.

He fell to the floor, resting his head against the cool metal of the bed frame. The heart monitor's beeps pounded in his ears. _She's alive. She's alive. She's alive._

"She's alive." HR muttered, and he and Cisco quickly got to work fixing everything around her, attaching her to everything they could to keep her heart rate going. _Just keep it beating_.

Julian realized he was crying. He hadn't even noticed when he started, but now his face was wet. He got shakily to his feet, taking Cisco's chair, burying his face in his hands. He suddenly understood what Barry went through every time he revisited the future; revisited Iris' death. He had to lose the love of his life over and over and over again. Julian couldn't even handle it once.

A hand pressed onto his shoulder. It was Cisco. He was trembling all over, his face almost as pale as Caitlin's had been, just second earlier. Grey. Julian gave him the chair.

Now Caitlin was breathing steadily, her color returning slowly, the warmth in her skin seeping back to normal. Julian wrapped his fingers around her hand- still too cold- but he could touch her pulse point, feel her heart beat when the monitor wasn't enough.

She woke up after about an hour, dazed, and immediately got attacked by her best friend. Cisco hugged her for a minute straight, crying his heart out onto her shoulder. That sent Caitlin off, too, unsure of what was going on, of why everyone was _looking at her like that._

Cisco finally let go, and took up hold on her other hand. Caitlin blinked slowly. "What... what happened...?"

No one was able to speak for awhile. HR saved them both from answering. "You, um, you just died." He muttered, joy gone from his face, posture slouched.

Caitlin's eyes went huge, and the heart monitor's beeping sped up. Julian reached over and touched her face. "Hey." He whispered, his voice hoarse. "It's ok, mate. You're fine, now." _I hope._

She sniffled, letting go of Julian's hands to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry-"

"No." Cisco was on his feet now. "No, you don't have to apologize _ever_. This was my fault, I should have taken you to a doctor, no matter what the consequences." He looked angry, but Julian knew it wasn't at Caitlin. He hated himself, right now. "This never would have happened-"

"You're not the one you did the surgery." Julian reminded him. He felt kind of... empty inside, and he knew that he would _never never never_ get Caitlin's lifeless body out of his head. "I should have been more careful. It's my-"

" _Enough_." Caitlin commanded. Even just come back from the dead, she controlled the people in the room with a single word, bringing all of the self-pity to a dead halt. "Both of you did _nothing_ wrong. If I hear a single word of blame come out of your mouth, I'll- I'll... stand up and walk out of the room."

It was a weak threat, but one that they were both secretly very afraid of. They nodded. "Good." Caitlin said, the fight suddenly leaking out of her. "Remind me, Cisco." She murmured, eyes beginning to close. "Remind me never to die again, ok?"

Cisco let out a choked laugh, tears starting to well up in his eyes again. "Ok Caitlin. I love you."

"Love you too." She patted his arm, eyes flickering open for a second to gaze at Julian's face. "I'm going to be alright." She breathed, gently squeezing his hand. "Ok? I'm going to be ok."

"Yeah." He sat back down, pulling her hand up to his lips. "You just rest, alright?"

She groaned suddenly, and wrinkled her nose. "You guys aren't going to let me leave this bed for a month, are you?"

"Nope." Cisco agreed. "Actually, we probably won't let you out of bed for the next _year_."

She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

 **HahayouthoughtitwasdonebutthisismytherapysessionsoNOPE!Justalinebreaker.**

They actually let her out of be after 2 weeks, and it was mostly because they really _did_ need her help. She got back into the flow of things just fine, with everything _except_ Julian.

He was removed from her. They only saw each other at STAR Labs, and every time she would attempt to start up a conversation he would find an excuse to get out of the room.

The nightmares were tearing him apart. He saw her pale, cold face, Cisco's broken one, HR's tearstained one, felt his own numb insides in his mind every night- time again and again and again. He could barely _look_ at Caitlin's lab, much less go inside and see the white, now clean sheets of the bed _she had died on_.

Her being up and about didn't change anything. It reassured him during the day just to be able to keep and eye on her, to watch her bustling around the Cortex with a smile on her face. Cisco wouldn't leave her side. He gave her a hug goodbye every time he left for the day, and he made her promise to text him when she got home every night. Julian could see it was driving her crazy to be so fondled over. She never liked being treated like she was made of glass. The thing was, now they all thought that she was.

She got him cornered, 19 days after she flat lined. He had been keeping track in ' _She's lived another day'_ s. It was the only thing keeping him sane.

"Julian!" Caitlin cried, storming up to his side, soon after everyone had filed out of the Cortex to do this and that. "Julian, _please_ don't walk away. I can't _take_ this anymore!"

" _You_ can't take it?!" Julian yelled, grabbing hold of her shoulders. " _You can't take it_?! What do you think it was like, seeing you _dead_. Knowing that you might not _ever wake up_. At least Barry is _prepared_ for Iris' death. He _knows_ when it's going to happen. I could walk into the Cortex any day of the week, and you could have relapsed. There could be nothing I could do to save you."

"How do you think it feels to live that?" Caitlin had tears on her cheeks. He hated himself for hurting her, but he needed to get this _out. Out. Out_. "To wake up and have someone tell you that _you had just died_. To know that it could happen again? I'm _scared_ to go to sleep, Julian. I know that it is a possibility that I might never wake up again-"

He crashed his mouth on top of her, hard and passionate, and they finally both fell silent. She threaded her fingers through his hair, desperate to get closer to him.

Julian pulled away, breathing heavily. " _I love you_." He growled. "Blimey, Caitlin, I love you."

"Then don't push me away." She breathed, quieter, _calmer_ , after the release of three weeks worth of tension. "Julian, I can't stand it when you push me away."

"I won't." He pressed his forehead against her own, taking both her hands, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry. I won't."

Eventually, Cisco let her go home without checking in on him. Eventually, Caitlin could go to sleep without worrying that she would never wake up again. Eventually, Julian's nightmares stopped.

It certainly didn't hurt that they all had each other, though, even as they recovered. But hey, as Cisco always said, " _That's what friends are for._ "

 **Author's Note: You can tell that I** ** _really really really_** **need to write a fix-it for something when I sit down at 8:30 in the morning and don't stop writing until I finish the story, regardless of how busy my Wednesdays are.**

 **Hey, you want to do something for me? Please- if you write Snowbert- write me a fix-it. It's all good and nice to write them yourselves, but when it comes to really being satisfied, sometimes you need other to do the work for you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.**

 **Also, if you have suggestions/requests for future fix-its for that end scene, I'm really open to whatever. Well... mostly whatever.**


	2. The In-Depth Fix-it

**Author's Note: I meant to get this out sooner. I meant to finish it sooner, too. Here it is anyway, majorly delayed.**

Julian's world was cold, and not just because of the thin layer of frost covering every wall in Caitlin's lab. Caitlin was gone- maybe buried deep, maybe dead- and Killer Frost had taken her place.

Cisco was filling Barry in in a strangled voice. When Caitlin had flat lined, Julian had never seen anyone as upset as he saw Cisco. He was broken from the inside out, his heart crushed into tiny pieces at the death of his best friend. When Killer Frost had emerged, it was almost worse. Caitlin might have been alive, but she wasn't _her_ anymore.

Barry threw something across the lab, tears already starting in his eyes. It didn't even have time to shatter before he had flashed out, running away from everything that haunted him.

Someone gave Julian a hug. Through his blurry vision, he saw soft, dar brown hair. Iris. She squeezed his shoulders. "We're going to get her back, Julian."

Julian's ears were ringing. He walked over to stand by Cisco's side, not touching him but letting him know that he felt the pain of losing Caitlin- possibly for good. "I'm sorry, mate.'' Julian breathed. "I know that's not what she wanted. I just- I couldn't lose her. I _can't_ lose her."

"I know, man, I know." Cisco agreed, shaking his head, dull with shock. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to contain his trembling. Iris went to make them some tea, and Julian grabbed another chair. He figured they would be there for awhile.

Julian opened his mouth, unable to get any words out. He felt like screaming and crying and hiding and doing _something_ , but instead he just sat and shut his eyes against the world.

Cisco pressed the heels of his hands hard into his eyes, his shoulder's shuttering as he attempted to calm himself. Barry flashed back into the room. " _I can't find her_." He growled, his voice and eyes dangerous and threatening. Julian always forgot that Caitlin was one of Barry's best friends. "But we're going to get her back. We've done it before, remember?"

"This time was different." Cisco whispered. "I really think she's gone this time."

"I saw her, before, when she kidnapped me as Killer Frost. There was still some- some-" He couldn't get her name out of his mouth. "Some _good_ inside of her. Now.. her hair's gone completely white, Allen."

"She's gone." Cisco muttered once again. It was almost as if he kept telling himself that it wasn't true, and then forcing himself to remember. Julian wanted to forget, but Caitlin's stony, pale face would never, _never_ , leave his memory.

Barry collapsed into a chair, his face turning white. "What're we going to do?" He croaked. "What are we going to _do_?"

Julian looked up from his feet as a warm cup of tea was placed gently into his unresisting fingertips. Iris gave him a sad, sympathetic smile, and handed another cup to Cisco, and then one to Barry. "I'm so sorry." She said quietly. "I'm so, so sorry."

She was speaking like Caitlin was dead. Julian's chest tightened painfully, and he scrambled to his feet. "I'm sorry, I have to go-"

Holding back his tears, he raced out of the building, leaving the others staring sadly after him.

 **Episode/18/Broke/My/Heart/But/At/Least/We've/Got/Fix/Its**

3 days after Caitlin turned into Killer Frost, there was still no sign of her. Some extra snow, maybe, in places where the weatherman were scratching there heads and trying to figure out what had happened. Maybe an earlier frost then usual. But other then that, Caitlin, or Killer Frost, or whoever she really was, was nowhere to be seen.

It was evening, the darkened sky lit only by some flickering, orange street lamps. Julian flicked his heat up another notch, shivering, and turned on his fake fireplace. He crashed onto the couch, rubbing at his face.

There was a knock at the door. Warily, Julian stood, remember all of the teams warnings. "She might go to you, Julian. She went to you last time. You can't let her in. You can't help her. You've got to bring her back to STAR Labs."

He peered through the spy hole, and sighed with a mixture of relief and regret. Part of him had been really hoping that Caitlin would be the other side, hair back to it's normal, beautiful brown. Any new look at her to get the picture of her frozen face out of his head.

Instead, Iris knocked again. "Julian," She called through the door. "I know you're in there."

He hesitated, not wanting to talk to anyone right now, but as Iris knocked a third time, he reluctantly pulled the door open. Iris' smiled with relief. "Hey, Julian. Sorry that I didn't call. I just... got some food, and wondered if you wanted any." She held up a green cloth shopping bag, _Central Meat Market_ plastered across the front in large, unattractive letters.

Everyone on the team knew that Julian hadn't been eating much, or sleeping much, or doing much of anything, since Caitlin went missing. He just didn't have an appetite anymore, or a will. Because, like everyone else, knew that this was all Julian's fault.

Julian let her in anyway, and Iris placed the shopping bag on the counter. She pulled out a slab of meat. "Cai-" Iris stopped her words a second to late, her eyes shooting to Julian and then away again. "Um... I was told you like steak, so I figured I should bring you some."

Julian throat closed up, so he only nodded. Iris shifted her weight uncomfortably. "You should probably try to eat something." She suggested gently. "We're going to need all of the energy we can get."

Julian nodded again, and Iris took that as her cue to leave. She did so with an awkward wave, closing the door softly behind her, and not letting Julian see the concern dominating her features.

It took him awhile to get enough energy to take his steak to the grill. He prepared it in silence, and pulled it onto a plate. Sitting at the kitchen table, he used a fork and picked at the meat, even less hungry then usual.

 _"_ _You know what really helps me when I'm scared?" Julian asked, holding her eyes seriously with his own._

 _"_ _What?"_

 _"_ _Just a good fillet steak."_

 _A smile pushed it's way onto Caitlin's face. She giggled._

 _"_ _A little béarnaise, on the side." Julian continued. "Some mashed potatoes... Does the trick, every time."_

 _"_ _Really?" Caitlin asked, now beaming outright._

 _"_ _I promise." Julian's gaze became gentler. "I think we should find a local steakhouse and be terrified... together."_

Julian shut his eyes and put his head down on the table. He sobbed into his arms, steak lying forgot, uneaten, next to him.

 **Episode/18/Broke/My/Heart/But/At/Least/We've/Got/Fix/Its**

When Julian walked into STAR Labs the next morning, exhausted and worn to the bone, he found only Cisco there. The techie waved halfheartedly. "Good morning, Julian."

Julian didn't know what was so good about this morning, but he repeated the pleasantly and took a seat. "Got anything?"

It had become everyone's 4-day-long routine. Come into STAR Labs. Greet Cisco. Ask if he had news. Every time, the news was the same. Every time, what little hope remained was broken even more then before.

Cisco shook his head. "Sorry, man." He muttered. "I've tried everything from police reports to traffic cams to satellites picking up cold frequencies. She's off the grid."

"Or maybe just not on yours."

Both men turned slowly at the sound of a new voice, one that was cold and hollow and inhuman.

Killer Frost stood in front of them, a condescending look on her face, hair shock white. Julian gaped for words. "Cai-Cait-Caitlin-"

"How many times must I tell people?" Killer Frost murmured. "Caitlin's _gone_. I'm Killer Frost. And there's just nothing you boys can do about it. Except get out of my way."

She raised her hands, fingers billowing cold, and Julian and Cisco ran for it. Cisco stumbled past his desk, tripping over his own feet, but Julian caught his arm, keeping him upright. "Run!"

Killer Frost kept up a slow chase, never looking too concerned, but never letting them get so far out of her sight that she'd lose them. Julian fumbled with his phone as he ran, but he dropped it as soon as it was in his hand.

As he started to dart back for it, Cisco yanked his arm, jarring him foreword. "Leave it!" He yelled, pulling out his own phone, and pressing the emergency button.

They tore into Cisco's lab, and the tech wiz looked around frantically. "Where are the cuffs?!" He shouted, throwing his stuff desperately to the side as Julian shut and barred the door.

Outside, they could hear Killer Frost, moving slowly. "Oh bo-oys." She crooned, her unearthly voice echoing eerily as she came around the corner. "You may try to stay warm, but you can never hide from the cold."

With that, the door turned to solid ice, and shattered into a million tiny shards. Julian let out a gasp and stumbled backward, crashing into Cisco.

"Caitlin, stop this!" Cisco yelled, taking cover behind a desk. "I know you're still in there!"

"Then you must be stupider then I thought." Killer Frost sneered, slamming a wall of ice toward her once-friend. Cisco dove for a better hiding spot, leaving Julian in the open.

Killer Frost stalked toward him. "I thought you were going to save me, Julian." She whispered, all of the warm emotion he once saw in her eyes gone, replaced with a cold, frozen visual. "I thought you could be my scientific night in shining armor."

She reached for his arm, pulling him bodily towards him. Julian struggled, frozen by her gaze and icy hand. "I- I tried." He stuttered. "I'm sorry."

She looked honestly disappointed when she shook her head. "That's not quite going to cut it, I'm afraid."

With that, she slammed their lips together.

This kiss was nothing like their past two, their first quick and embarrassed, their second warm and loving. This kiss was cold, Caitlin's soft, icy lips quickly chilling the area around Julian's mouth and spreading up to the rest of his face. Any passion, any love that he had felt those first few times... it was just gone.

Before Julian could freeze solid, Caitlin was jerked away from him. Cisco stood with his hands out, both of them trembling as they aimed at the cold villainess in front of him, one that used to be his best friend and companion.

Killer Frost frowned, getting slowly to her feet like a cat about to pounce on it's prey. She glanced from Cisco to Julian, and then at the door. On cue, Barry flashed in, skidding foreword in the attempted to stop his motion.

"Unfortunately," Killer Frost hummed. "I'm not liking these odds very much. Not that I don't think I could take all three of you at once... but there would be way to much emotional talking involved." She shrugged. "So be it."

With that, Killer Frost sent a freezing wall of ice toward the three of them. Barry moved the fastest, as was expected, knocking Julian and Cisco to the ground as Killer Frost made her careful escape out the door, and back into the unknown.

 **Episode/18/Broke/My/Heart/But/At/Least/We've/Got/Fix/Its**

The next day, Julian walked wearily into STAR Labs to find Cisco staring in shocked horror at the daily newspaper's front pace.

 _Cold Front Explained- Self Coined "Killer Frost" Strikes City Hall- 8 Injured_

"No..." Julian breathed, rushing foreword to get a better look.

 _In a blast of icy air, a white haired, blue eyed meta human made herself known for the first time in a impressive entrance at City Hall. She introduced herself, saying, "I'm Killer Frost, and everyone here had better remember it."_

 _The screaming mayhem that followed didn't leave many for witnesses of the scene, but a few brave people stood their ground as the enchanting malefactor sent frozen blasts in all directions. According to a later investigation of the scene, it was found that the ice was still unmelted, despite the warm weather that followed the meta's disappearance._

 _Before she left the scene of the crime, "Killer Frost" attacked the eight remaining people in the room; three security guards, a politician that would prefer to be unnamed, and five citizens who had gotten trapped in the icy crosshairs. Upon later investigation, it was reported that these eight had nothing in common, nor did they know of who Killer Frost was, or who she started as. It was a freak coincidence that they were in the room with her when, in a mad rage, she iced each of them in turn, seemingly pleased with watching them suffer._

 _The police have put a tag on this new meta as "Dangerous" and "Unstable", and have warned citizens of National City to be careful whenever they are in an area where there is unusually cold weather._

Julian placed the newspaper heavily on the table, hands trembling. "I can't believe this..." He whispered.

"This is all your fault!" Cisco yelled suddenly, starting up from the table and ramming Julian shoulder's into the wall. "If you hadn't taken off her necklace, she would never have become this! This isn't what Caitlin would have wanted- she said so- and you completely disregarded her wishes. If- IF!- we ever get her back, she is going to be so broken that she might never be able to get back together again! Do you even _care_?!"

He paused in his tirade, because Julian wasn't arguing. He was nodding, eyes red. "I know." He whispered brokenly. "I know, mate."

Cisco let go of his shirt and stumbled back to his chair. He covered his face with his hands. "I can't do this." He murmured. "I can't live knowing that she's out there, hurting people. We've got to catch her."

"We're going to." Julian said, his voice filled with weak, unconvincing confidence. He took a chair for himself, and put his head down on the desk, suddenly exhausted. "Tell me if you get anything, ok?"

"Yeah." Cisco whispered. "Yeah, I will."

 **Episode/18/Broke/My/Heart/But/At/Least/We've/Got/Fix/Its**

Julian awoke with his back cramping, still hunched over the Cortex's main desk. He sat up with a pained groan, feeling only marginally more energized.

Usually, waking up in the morning made a hopeless situation seem a little better. This morning, or afternoon, by the clock on Cisco's computer, was different. Julian had to remind himself what had happened, and it was like reliving it all over again as memories flooded back to him. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to start crying again.

Barry walked into the Cortex. He had seemed more listless of late, more hopeless since everything started going downhill. He gave Julian a nod. "Hey."

"Hey, mate." Julian greeted tiredly. "Anything happen while I was out?"

Barry just shook his head, and handed him a coffee. "Iris made a Jitters run." He said. "She's trying to get people to stop posting about Killer Frost until further notice, but it's not going well."

"You saw the paper, then?" Julian asked.

"Yeah." Barry breathed. He shook his head, face filled with puppy-like sorrow. "I don't know if Caitlin's going to come back from this in once piece."

Julian's gaze fell to his desk, shame flooding through him and making him feel sick. "I'm so sorry." He muttered. "She's going to have to go through all of this because of me."

"It's selfish," Barry sighed. "But, honestly, I'd rather this then her being dead."

Julian glanced up, surprised. Barry gave a slightly embarrassed shrug. "At least we have _some_ hope."

"Didn't really think about it like that." Julian said, offering him a small smile. The first in a few days. "Thanks, mate."

"Anytime." Barry clapped his shoulder. "Hey, I'm going to make a run to Big Belly Burger and get some fuel for the team. Want me to get you anything?"

Julian shook his head. "Thanks, but I'm not really hungry.

"You need to eat, man." Barry's face creased in concern. "Everyone's worried about it. You're going to kill yourself, acting like this."

"I'll eat when we get Caitlin back." Julian said stoically. "Because we're _going_ to get her back." This time, when he said it, his confidence was stronger. It was like he actually believed what he was saying now.

Barry stopped by the doorway, and turned back, giving him a sad smile. "Of course we are."

Then he flashed off, leaving Julian alone in the Cortex once again.

 **Episode/18/Broke/My/Heart/But/At/Least/We've/Got/Fix/Its**

It took them another three days before Killer Frost made her next appearance. She targeted a bank this time, and ten were left injured, some without the possibility of recovery.

"She's getting stronger." Cisco growled, crumpling up the newspaper and slamming it into the trashcan. He missed, so he got up and threw it roughly in again.

Iris pulled it out and unfurled it so that she could continue the article. "It says that the authorities are starting a search for who her human person was, before she became Killer Frost." She glanced up, fear creasing her face. "That's not good."

Barry shook his head, leaning over Cisco's desk with a frown. "We've got to catch her before they can figure it out." He said.

"I'm going to hack into the security cameras of the places she's hit." Cisco told them, starting to type. "I'll erase the footage of the attacks, so that they can't use a facial recognition on her. With everything that Caitlin's gone through... we can't have her forced to run from the authorities after this."

"After this!" Julian yelled. Everyone turned to him, startled. "We keep talking like there's going to _be_ an after this! What if there's not, huh? What if she stays Killer Frost forever? Even if we can catch her and lock her up, it's not guaranteed that we're ever going to be able to get Caitlin back."

Cisco's face turned dark, and Iris glanced down at her hands. "If we don't have hope, Julian, what's left for us to do?" She said softly. "We've got to keep trying."

"Iris is right." Barry stated firmly. "Cisco, erase all the footage of Killer Frost. The next time she hits, we're going to catch her."

Julian just shook his head and walked out of the room. His feet made their way through STAR Labs. He avoided the elevator, thoughts flooded with promises of drinks and confessions betrayed trust. Even Cisco's lab was too painful. He had kissed her in there, his worst fear one that seemed so _stupid_ compared to the one he now had. Instead, he made his way to the Pipeline corridor. He wasn't usually one to lock of meta humans, and, though Cisco had told him it used to be a team affair, they didn't tend to come down here after Barry captured a new villain.

He was so lost in his own head that when the temperature started to drop, he barely noticed. It was only when his feet crunched into a thin layer of snow that he stopped cold and looked up.

There she was. Her white-blond hair, almost his color, now that he thought of it, was as perfectly curled as always, her blue eyes sparkling and boring into him with chilling intensity.

"Hello, cutie." Killer Frost murmured. "I didn't think anyone was going to come down here, but I'm glad that it's you."

Julian was frozen, his eyes locked on her's. "How- What-"

"I got the idea from Barry's old nemesis, actually." Killer Frost explained, strolled around the hallway casually, like they were simply two old mates having a chat about the unusually cold weather. "He hid himself inside the pipeline, and no one found him for a _very_ long time. No camera's in here... and the satellite can't reach inside, thanks to Cisco's blocking tech."

Julian choked on his words, unable to make a coherent sentence. "I- You- What do you want?"

"What do I _want_?" Killer Frost tilted her head thoughtfully. "I think what I want is resolution. Do you know what I mean by that, Julian? No? Well, I'll lay it out for you. The Flash... he gave me these powers. By going back in time he wrecked everything. The only good thing he did was create you."

Julian stumbled backward a step. "He- He _what_?"

"Oh, yes." Killer Frost gave a predatory smile, almost a smirk. "Didn't he tell you? No, no, you weren't here before Flashpoint. And neither were my powers." She sighed, running her white fingers along the wall. A layer of frost filtered over it's surface, beautiful and dangerous at the same time. Much like Caitlin was now. "So... Barry needs to realize that he's not allowed to run around in his flashy suit and wreck. People's. Lives."

"I think he's figured that out by now." Julian said, finding his voice. "Don't you think he's suffered enough?"

"Maybe." Killer Frost shrugged. "But that's not all. Not only did Barry _give_ me these powers, but he did absolutely nothing to stop them. He _knew_ what was going to happen to me, but, no, it's all Iris-this, Iris-that, Iris-is-going-to-die-so-it's-ok-to-forget-about-unimportant-little-Caitlin-Snow." Her words turned to an angry growl. "He was supposed to be my friend!"

Julian's eyes held her own, desperately searching for some sign of the beautiful, innocent girl he knew. "It's not fair." He whispered. "I know. I'm so _sorry,_ Caitlin."

" _Don't_ call me Caitlin." Killer Frost growled. "I'm so _sick_ of that name!"

She moved foreword threateningly, ready to attack. Julian held his ground, shaking. "Caitlin- Killer Frost- Whoever- please." He whispered, taking a step foreword. "I know that you still want to be good. I know you still have some _warmth_ inside of you. You're gentleness, your compassion, your heart... they can't be broken that easily."

Killer Frost narrowed her eyes at him. "All gentleness and compassion have brought me is _pain_." She hissed. "All being good has brought me is _pain_. All working for everyone like their _slaves_ has brought me is _pain_! How is that unbreakable? How is it all worth it?!"

Julian reached out, just stopping himself from touching her cheek. Despite his best intentions, he was still terrified that Caitlin's lack of control was going to get him injured.. or killed. "Love." He whispered.

Killer Frost froze. "What?" She whispered, voice hoarse.

"Love." Julian repeated. "Love makes it worth it."

Now his did touch her cheek, the icy skin almost making him flinch away. He held his hand there for a moment, ignoring it's burning freeze. "I should have told you all this sooner. I'm so sorry."

"I don't understand." Killer Frost's eyes filled with tears. They froze solid as they tracked down her face. "Why does it all _hurt_ so much? Why do I have to feel?"

"Feeling isn't a liability, Caitlin." Julian breathed, reaching up his other hand to cup the other side of her face, fingers stroking the skin there. He noticed how she didn't correct him when he used her name- her _real_ name. He also noticed her eyes, flickering, uncertain, from shocking blue to a warm brown. "Feelings are what make us human. They're what makes us alive. Trust me. I've certainly had enough these past few days."

Her tears were coming faster now, and one of them made it all the way to her chin before it froze. Julian wiping the new tears starting in her eyes away with his thumb. "Listen to me, Caitlin. Listen to me." He leaned in a little closer, there faces only inches apart now. "Feelings hurt. But they also heal. They healed me. They took all the broken, jagged pieces of my heart, and glued them together. They made me whole again. _You_ made me whole again."

He forced his voice to stay soft, even though inside, he was ready to scream. He _needed_ her to understand. "Caitlin... I love you."

Then he kissed her.

Warmth spread under his fingertips. White hair slowly slid back to brown. A warm glow slowly returned to pale skin. The frost on Caitlin's cheeks melted, leaving only her tears, sliding down her face uncontrollably as Julian kissed her like there was no tomorrow.

Feeling, quite suddenly, was _ok_ again. Love rushed through her blood, fear and pain and sadness and a brokenness that would stick with her forever, just under the surface. But Julian would smooth out the jagged edges, just like she had done for him.

They had each other. And it was so much more then just _ok_.

 **Author's Note: Wasn't quite sure how to end that... but I really really really really wanted to get this up tonight. I hope you liked it!**


	3. The Angst to Happiness Fix-It

**PLEASE NOTE THE CHANGE IN THE SUMMARY! SPOILERS FOR 3x21!**

 **Hiiiii guys! Guess who was freaking out last night?! THIS GIRL! Love confessions... My poor shipper heart... sigh.. :)**

"Caitlin, I love you." Julian said, his heart pounding so hard that he could feel it in his entire body. He had dreamed about this moment for months, but none of the possibilities he had come up with were anything close to this. He had wanted it to be romantic and sweet, maybe he could take her out to dinner, or even sudden and spur of the moment, after a metahuman attack. But- not like this.

Killer Frost stared into his eyes, her face hard. "I don't love you, Julian."

The thin thread holding him together broke, and his heart shattered into millions of pieces.

"And I never have."

With those word, Killer Frost turned on her heel and strode into the elevator, leaving STAR Labs, and taking Julian's last bit of hope with it.

Cisco slumped in defeat. Barry turned around to go back into the Cortex. Julian stayed where he was, her words ringing in his ears over and over. _I don't love you, Julian. And I never have. I don't love you. I never have. Never have. Never have..._

What had he thought? That those three magic words could turn Killer Frost back into the woman he loved? That _he_ , Julian Albert, could get Caitlin back where all of her friends- _her family_ \- had failed? Why? Just because he loved her?

Cisco grasped his shoulder. "Hey, man... it wasn't her talking. That was totally Killer Frost- you could tell."

"I'm not so sure about that, mate." Julian croaked out, turning away from Cisco's sympathetic look. "I guess I'll just... get to work on solving this problem I caused, huh?"

He ignored Cisco's protests that this wasn't his fault, and walked miserably back into the the main part of the building.

It was time to get to work.

* * *

"Fundamentally, Caitlin's powers are rather simple." Julian explained, not looking at Cisco as he tried to make sense of his data. "She needs extreme amounts of cold to have her powers function. To get that cold, she uses an age old method of skin absorption- like how amphibians breathe-, but instead of air, Caitlin takes N4H. Four parts nitrogen, and one part hydrogen. That mixes with her blood and is all sent to her core. There, it mixes with H2O and creates the extreme cold that we experience. The thing is, the nitrogen absorption also disrupts a frequency in her brain, similar to those experiencing multiple identity disorder."

"Julian, man, this is amazing." Cisco breathed, nodding slowly as Julian fished his explanation. "I mean, you've _really_ gotten somewhere here- more then anyone else has been able to so far."

Julian nodded shortly. "Thanks, mate. Guess I just had the right kind of motivation."

Cisco gave him a sad, tired smile. "What's your next step?"

"Well, that was the easy part." Julian sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Now I need to figure out how to take this idea of the skin absorption, and use it in a way that will _stop_ the process. Either that, or fix the frequency disruption. If Caitlin could figure out how to have her powers and not be Killer Frost at the same time... it might not totally be a matter of self-control. There could be some science involved as well."

"She'd like that." Cisco smiled. "She'd like hearing that a lot."

"Yes, she would." Julian pressed his lips together. "Well, I'd better be getting back to work-"

"Hey, whoa." Cisco landed a hand on Julian's shoulder, stopping him from moving anywhere. "Dude, you've been at this for the past week. You're not eating, or sleeping, or _shaving_. Take a break, man."

"We _don't have time_." Julian snapped, stressing each word to show their importance. "The sooner I figure this out, the sooner we get Caitlin back." He pushed off Cisco concern and held open the door. "I'll let you know if I get anymore results."

As soon as Cisco left, Julian let his shoulders slump. He fell into a chair and let out a long, heavy sigh.

 _I don't love you, Julian. And I never have._

* * *

Inside her cell in Savitar's temple, Killer Frost shivered on a hard mattress. It wasn't that she was cold- she didn't _get_ cold- she just felt... empty. Becoming Killer Frost had brought an exciting spark to her life. It was different, it was interesting, it was _exciting_. But now that Caitlin, buried deep but still ever-present, had gone silent...

It worried her, to be honest. The fact that the strong woman she used to be had given up so easily. It was as if Julian's words had sent her over the edge of hopelessness, Caitlin's final act to take Killer Frost with her. She felt _lifeless_. Why was it that Julian's confession had broken Caitlin so thoroughly?

 _It's not the confession, you idiot. It was his face when you told him you would never love him._

Killer Frost jolted into an upright position, clutching at her head. Caitlin's voice... Caitlin's voice was _inside her head_.

'How- how are you talking to me?!' Killer Frost thought. She wasn't sure how this whole... multiple personality voice thing worked, but the prospect terrified her. If Caitlin somehow found a way to take back control, all of this would be over. Not only that, but Savitar would most likely end her for betraying him to the team (which of course Caitlin would do).

 _I've got a lot of time in here_. Caitlin responded. She sounded calm and collected, and Killer Frost's blood boiled. _I'm simply treating this like you are just another voice inside my head, and I'm talking back. Except, to you, it sounds like_ I'm _the voice inside your head._

"Stop it!" Killer Frost yelled, this time aloud, holding her head tighter. "Get _out_!"

 _Afraid I can't do that. You see, this body ultimately belongs to me._ You're _the intruder here._

Killer Frost took a deep breath, squeezing her hands together to try and stop them from trembling. She controlled her emotions, smashing them down like one would a fly, and tried again. 'I _command_ you to get out of my head!'

 _My head_. Caitlin corrected. _This is my head, and you are going to be the one to leave, thank you very much_.

Killer Frost scoffed. 'Fat chance of that. Sorry -not- to crush your dreams, but I'm in control right now. I'm in control, and that means I get to choose what we do.'

 _And what are "we" going to do?_

'I need you to stop fighting.' Killer Frost got to her feet, steeling herself against the raging battle going on in her mind, and ignoring the fact that _she wasn't winning_. 'And what keeps you fighting? I think I'll guess... how about a certain blond forensic scientist?'

When Caitlin's voice came back, she sounded a touch scared. She mostly, however, sounded angry. _Don't you_ dare _touch him_.

'What are you going to do?' Killer Frost taunted cruelly. 'Think at me?'

* * *

Julian worked for about another day before he passed out. Barry found him slumped over his desk, unmoving and unresponsive, face sheet white. The speedster panicked and dragged him into the Cortex at super speed, yelling for Cisco the whole way there.

Cisco came running and let out a loud curse when he saw the state his friend was in. He helped Barry to get him onto the bed, but Julian was already waking up. He gazed blearily out at them, frowning. "What happened?"

"You collapsed, man." Cisco yelled, face going red as he got madder. "You collapsed because you've been all but _starving_ yourself, you haven't been sleeping, you haven't been taking any care of your health-"

"I was working on Caitlin problem!" Julian shouted back, sitting up on the bed angrily. "I was working on _saving_ her!"

"Yeah, and when you do?" They were practically nose to nose now, Barry slinking, ignored, out of the room. "What do you think she's going to say? Do you think she _wants_ you to kill yourself trying to save her?! Do you think she _wants-_ "

"Yeah, well I've obviously not been very good about doing what Caitlin wants, have I?!" Julian bellowed.

The room went dead silent. Cisco took a step back. "What do you mean?"

"I was the one who took off her necklace, mate." Julian whispered, voice cracking. "It's _my_ fault that she's Killer Frost." He sagged like an empty balloon, falling back into the mattress.

Cisco opened his mouth, then stopped, unsure of how to respond. "Julian... you can't- you can't let that-"

Julian just shook his head, a lone tear slipping down one pallid cheek. "I'm going to head home. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"No." Cisco said firmly. "Take the day off. Take the week off. Caitlin's not going anywhere, man. We're going to need you rested and healthy if _we_ are going to fix this."

Julian nodded, and Cisco let him go, but not without grabbing a tight hug before he disappeared out of STAR Labs.

* * *

The next morning, Julian slept until 12 o'clock. He woke up starving, for the first time in a long time, and fixed himself a meal that he ate on his balcony.

He was cleaning up his dish and cup when the doorbell rang. Expecting Cisco or Barry, he opened it immediately-

Bad idea. _Bad idea_.

Freezing air blasted him backward. Julian let out a yell and dropped his plate, the ceramic shattering on his wood floor. Killer Frost strode towards him, the plate shards freezing as her high-heeled shoe grazed their surface.

Julian scrambled backward, unable to get to his feet in time, but Killer Frost was faster. She planted a foot on his chest and shoved him backwards, smiling coyly all the while. "Hello, cutie."

Julian choked for breath, attempting to push her foot away. "C- Cai- Caitlin, stop!"

"Caitlin doesn't want to talk to you right now." Killer Frost hissed, leaning foreword so that their noses were almost touching. Julian flinched away from the frost exuding from her skin. "She's in my head, telling me to kill you."

"I know- that that's- a lie!" Julian yelled, finally successful in his attempts to get to his feet. He fumbled for his phone, but Killer Frost held up to ice-encased hands.

"I wouldn't try that, if I were you." She murmured.

Julian froze. "What- What are you going to do to me?"

"You mean, what are _we_ going to do to you?" Killer Frost took a step foreword, allowing her enough proximity to run her finger along Julian's chest. He shuddered, insides going cold. "We're going to kill you. Slowly. Coldly. Painfully. Just how any death at the hand of _Killer Frost_ should be."

"I know this isn't you." Julian whispered. He knew then his only hope of getting out alive was to convince Caitlin to be stronger then her alter-identity. Either that or stall so long that someone came looking for him- which was most likely impossible.

"At first, you know, I thought it was science." Julian started, keeping his eyes on Killer Frost's. "I thought that if I could fix the frequency disruption accessing your powers was causing your brain that I could fix your multiple identity disorder. I was wrong. It's not about science. It's not about frequencies. It's about _you_ , Caitlin. Only you can save yourself, now."

Killer Frost smiled a little. "Oh, she's tried, trust me. She woke up inside me and began attempting to control my actions. But the thing is, Julian, she's too weak. Kindness never go anyone anywhere-"

"You're wrong." This time, _Julian_ took a step foreword. "You're wrong, and the thing is, _you know it._ " He narrowed his eyes, watching Killer Frost begin to look something akin to afraid. "Kindness is what makes Caitlin a person that everyone loves. Evil is what makes _you_ a person everyone hates. Love trumps hate, _every time_ , Frost. And my love for Caitlin is going to trump your hate for her. _Give her back to me_."

Inside Killer Frost's head, Caitlin was screaming. She was _furious_ , raging to be released. Her mind was struggling harder then ever, commanding her other personality to _Let. Her. OUT._

With one explosive rush of frosty air, Killer Frost gave up. Her eyes turned chocolatey, her hair faded back to it's natural color, and Caitlin collapsed into Julian's arms. She gripped his biceps, feeling her legs shake.

"Hello..." Julian breathed, brushing back her hair and marveling at how _beautiful_ the color brown was.

"Hi," Caitlin smiled, struggling to stay upright. "I think I just need to- take a- take a quick break..." Her voice trailed off and she slumped against Julian.

He hoisted her into his arms, bridal style, and laid her on his couch. While she slept, he called Cisco and Barry, letting them know that their friend was back.

Cisco told him he was on his way, but Barry's phone went to straight to voicemail. Julian wasn't all that concerned- besides, it gave him a little time alone with the love of his life.

Caitlin woke up after only a few minutes, and blinked into Julian's smiling face. "Hello, again." She whispered, grinning at him. "Sorry 'bout that."

He helped her sit up, hand lingering on her back for a moment. "I guess fighting evil personalities inside our head is more draining then it looks, huh?"

She giggled, but her expression soon sobered out. "About... about what you said... in the hallway at STAR Labs..."

"Yeah?" Julian asked, his palms beginning to sweat as his heart thudded oddly in his chest. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, I mean, more what _I_ -or, Killer Frost, really- said in return." Caitlin shifted uncomfortably on the couch, unable to meet his gaze. "I didn't- she was saying all of that- I didn't mean any of it-"

Warm lips brushed her own and Caitlin's eyes slipped shut as Julian kissed her. "I know." He said quietly when he pulled back, his blue eyes glowing. "I know it wasn't you. I realized that somewhere in between falling asleep last night and your foot against my throat."

Caitlin laughed again, squeezing his hand. "I suppose I should tell you something."

"What's that?"

"I think Killer Frost wouldn't have killed you. Because somewhere inside her, she loves you." Caitlin breathed, staring lovingly back into his gaze. "And you know what? So do I."

 **Author's Note: If you guys want a more humorous take on having both Caitlin and Killer Frost's voices inside one head, you should check out the series, Frosted-SnowBert on Archive of Our Own. It's not only funny, but** ** _very_** **well done, and is, of course, Snowbert :)**

 **I hope you enjoyed this! Sorry it came so late in the day- I really don't have** **all that much time on Wednesdays, unfortunately.**


	4. The Short-And-Sweet Fix-It

**Author's Note:** ** _SPOILERS FOR 3x23!_** **(If you guys didn't know this was coming, then you don't know me very well :)**

 **Alright. I had 1 wish- and that was that Julian and Caitlin (or Killer Frost, whichever), had some sort of screen time together.**

 **While I got my wish... I mean, come** ** _on!_** **What's this whole deal with "She's not quite Caitlin, but she's not Killer Frost, and she needs to figure herself out, so let's break Julian's heart** ** _again_** **, and leave him standing with the serum he worked so hard on making so that** ** _you_** **could come back** ** _home_** **?!"**

 **Ugh, it just made me so mad. SOOOOO mad.**

 **Due to form... that led to a fix it.**

As Julian laid his hand on HR's grave, offering a quick, "Goodbye, mate." his eyes caught a lone figure, leaning beside a tree. There gazes met, and even from that far away, Julian could see that the woman's eyes weren't blue.

He hurried to finish up his respects, and nodded to Barry as he walked down the hill. Caitlin straightened up, white hair falling over once shoulder in perfectly formed curls. She gave him a small half-smile. "Hey."

"Hello." Julian replied, coming to a stop a few feet away. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Me neither." Caitlin shrugged.

"But here you are."

"Here I am."

"I'm glad." He admitted softly, looking into her eyes. "I honestly missed you."

"Do tell." She teased, smiling. "I never would have guessed."

His cheeks turned a little pink, and he broke eye contact, staring down at his shined dress shoes. "So... does this mean you're going to be coming back? We need our Caitlin Snow on the team."

"I'm not Caitlin." Caitlin whispered, making him look up and frown. "Not quite, anyway."

"Well, you're not Killer Frost." Julian argued, unable to give up total hope.

"No." Caitlin acknowledged. "I'm... I'm sort of a mix of both. And something new." She reached into her pocket and took a out small vial filled with blue liquid. Her hands trembled as she pressed it into Julian's palm, gently wrapping his fingers around the glass. "I'm sorry. I know how hard you worked to make this, but... I'm just not ready to be Caitlin Snow again yet. I don't know if I'll ever be."

Julian's face fell, hope draining from him like water in a sink. He nodded, quick and short. "Yeah, yeah, ok."

"Is that ok?" Caitlin searched his face, looking for something to reassure herself. "I can't- I can't do this alone, Julian. I need you."

His face softened, misgivings giving way to his renewed love for her. "Of course it's ok. It's your life, Caitlin. I'm here for whatever you need me for."

She relaxed, and he stepped closer to cup her cheeks with his hands. Their faces stopped when they were millimeters apart. Then Julian frowned and pulled back a little. "Just... one thing."

"What?" Caitlin looked nervous once again, like a mouse about to run for cover.

"When we... when we go on our first date, will it be a first date?" Julian frowned harder. "Because I know Caitlin, and Caitlin knows me, and we've technically gone on dates together before, but your aren't quite _Caitlin_ , so would this be actually be a first date with a different person? Or a one-sided first date with a different person? Or-"

A smile spread across Caitlin's face and she laughed, leaning foreword to rest her forehead on Julian's shoulder. It was nice to be able to touch someone without hurting them- especially Julian. "Julian, you're over thinking this."

"Right, sorry, yes." He turned redder, and Caitlin leaned away. She wrapped her hands around his neck and stood on tiptoes to reach his lips.

This kiss was perfection. This kiss wasn't interrupted by either nerves or Julian's "Bedside Manner". This kiss was loving and gentle and all there and filled with sparks. Caitlin pulled Julian closer, and ran her fingers through his blond hair, his hands still on her face.

They pulled apart reluctantly, the need for air overcoming the need for each other's touch after so long without it. Caitlin smiled at him. "See? Still me."

Julian smiled back, rubbing his thumb along her cheek.

His Caitlin had come back home.

 **Author's Note: YAYAYAYAY! See, isn't that so much better?**

 **Well, lets all cross our fingers tightly and hope for Snowbert in Season 4! Maybe I should make a campaign :)**


End file.
